a while back my best friend linked me to a thread on homemade My Little Pony transformation hypnosis tapes
that’s a really loaded sentence so let me ease into it
they were like, hour long recordings you were supposed to lay down and listen to and focus on nothing else, that started off with some relaxation techniques then eased into like, “feel your hands becoming hooves. remember pinkie pie’s happy memories. imagine yourself literally becoming pinkie pie. imagine your pink mane. you are literally pinkie pie”
all with the goal of putting you in a mental state where you were convinced you were this cartoon pony. and it was full of people like “wow! this was so relaxing. i felt like i literally Became rarity”
the problem is that human brains are kind of, buggy? so people, especially if they listened to the tapes too much, started like, accidentally going to this mental state they’d created at random inopportune times. the thread was suddenly full of people desperate to know how to stop it because they were turning into rainbow dash in the middle of driving on a highway to work, or whatever
anyway, i’m just burdened with that knowledge forever, now. i think about it a lot
this post radiates unfathomable amounts of dark energy
this post is contemporary Lovecraft
I can’t believe I’m about to say this in regards to something about bronies, but it’s not nearly racist enough to be Lovecraft.
That’s the point. These are artificial colors, most night vision systems are monochrome, which takes away a lot of detail, specially when you want to use them to read anything, like that road sign.
That point in a piece of fanfiction where you can tell something embarrassing is about to happen so you start fucking around on tumblr because you’re a huge baby with a crippling overabudance of empathy.
I do this with every media I consume. I pause movies and have to walk around and prepare myself for second-hand embarrassment sometimes.
oh my god tumblr i don’t CARE that 447 people commented on slimetony’s post. i really don’t. how can i explain to you that i don’t want this in my notifications
fools: the silmarillion is about tragic flaws like greed and pride
me, an intellectual: the silmarillion is about people coping very poorly with grief and PTSD
Purim: They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s tell the story, wear silly costumes, and get wasted. (Optional: have a carnival or a play!)
Passover: They enslaved us, God freed us. Remember this via a big ceremony/feast and then don’t eat bread for a week. This is a big one; you’re going to have to clean your house and host all your relatives.
Tu B’Shevat: It’s Earth Day, let’s eat some fruit.
Simchas Torah: We read the entire Torah every year, and we got to the end! Let’s have a dance party and then start all over again!
Tisha B’Av: They destroyed our temples. That sucked.
Rosh HaShanah: Happy New Year! It’s time to ask (and grant) forgiveness for the wrongs done in the past year, pledge to do better, and wish for a sweet new year. And go to synagogue for HOURS.
Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShanah’s somber counterpart. God decides on this day your fate for the next year. Repent your sins, hope for forgiveness, and fast. (And go to synagogue for HOURS.)
Yom HaShoah: Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Sukkot: Harvest festival! Sleep in a hut under the stars.
Shemini Atzeret: Man, I don’t even know?
Shavuot: God gave us the Torah! That was pretty nice of him.
Chanukah: They busted up our temple and tried to forcibly convert us. We responded with guerilla warfare. Let’s eat some fried food. Candles!
So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.
Yup. Or as we say, “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.”
People need to realize that there’s a difference between straight people and Straight People™
Straight person: Hey, you got a new haircut. Looks really good.
Straight Person™: No homo, but your haircut looks good on you.
In case you were confused 👌
Just like how there are white people who are gay and then there are the White Gays
White people who are gay: “I’m gay.”
White Gays: “I can’t believe I got accused of racism after calling that person a racial slur! I mean, I know what racism looks like because I’ve been discriminated for my sexuality. How is me being racist even possible? I’M GAY!”
Lmao all the angry White and Straight people in the comments, keep reblogging
neurotypical: i don’t have any mental illnesses or disorders Neurotypical™: Happiness is a choice!! ✨✨Have you tried yoga? Drink more water and eat kale ✨✨
cis person: i identify completely as my assigned gender
Cis Person™: It doesn’t matter what you identify as, cause you still have Female Genitals! I’m not being offensive!! Read a book on Human Biology! 🚹🚺
men: I identify as male.
Men™: feminazis ruin everything, get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich bitch
atheists: I don’t believe in god or identify with a religion
Atheists™: Don’t fucking talk to me if you believe in God. Open your closed-fucking-minds!! (usually targeted towards Christians)
nice guys: hey I know when not to invade someone’s space and I totally respect boundaries
Nice Guys™: IVE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR A MONTH AND NOW YOURE TELLING ME YOU DONT WANT TO FUCK ME ???? WHAT IS THE POINT OF WOMEN IF YOURE NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME?
this post got all kinds of better since I last saw it
This post is perfection across the board.
christians: i believe in God
Christians™: GOD IS THE ONLY GOD OH GOD IS THAT STAR A PENTAGRAM?!?!?!?!?! READ YOUR BIBLE EVERYDAY IF YOU DONT YOUVE FAILED ALSO IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME IN ANY WAY YOURE GONNA GO TO HELL CAUSE IM A CHRISTIAN AND IM EXEMPT FROM RULES CAUSE GOD SAID SO
gamers: I like video games
Gamers™: Video Games are Art and you can keep your political correctness bullshit right out of them! Anyway that female character CHOSE to dress that way!
Dama Cherepaha 