softsweetandsadistic:

I suffer from anxiety.

When you’re in a dominant position, the concept of being open about your shortcomings is daunting. We hear a lot of “you have to be in control of yourself to control someone else”. All of the time. We are expected to be disciplined, have direction, purpose and confidence. These things are the typical hallmarks of a dominant person.

Anxiety is one of those things that will turn all of that on it’s head, in the blink of an eye. Anxiety changes the boundaries, alters the perceptions. It takes self control and makes it constriction, squeezing out the good things between your fingers like so much putty.

On a quiet day, when I should relax, take comfort and pleasure in the company of my partner, anxiety is the voice that tells me they aren’t satisfied with the lax control I’m exerting over them.

During playtimes, when I’m exploring new and exciting boundaries with my partner, anxiety is the voice on my shoulder telling me that I’m overdoing it and pushing him too hard, even though I trust him to always tell me the truth.

Anxiety whispers in my ear about abuse and predatory behaviour, it feeds into self doubt and makes me second guess the very nature that makes me comfortable and confident. Left unchecked, it can ruin relationships, destroy every ounce of happiness.

Being open about these things, takes the power from them. Being honest about the struggles I face, means the people who love me can help carry those burdens. So I can feel secure and confident in who I am, without those fears and doubts haunting me.

Because sometimes, your dominant may need to be carried too.